Reflections on Stargate SG-1 Season 5
by Zoser
Summary: Short pieces written upon a rewatch of Stargate SG-1 Season 5. Jack centric, with a Sam and Jack slant. Each chapter stands alone, some follow canon and some are AU
1. Chapter 1

**501 ENEMIES**

The Tok'ra came to the SGC to report on the events around the evacuation of Vorash. Their plans had been altered. Instead of the organized trip to their new home world there was a near panicked dash as they escaped through the Stargate. The Goa'uld were on their way to destroy this fragile population.

The Tok'ra councilwoman reported that Selmak and SG-1 took leave by way of the Hatak. The sun shortly thereafter went nova and the planet was lost as well as the entire solar system. The imperious Ren'al believed the Hatak as well as the people aboard were lost.

Hammond had not much use for these dispassionate Allies of theirs. He would not give up on SG-1 so easily. Was his hope futile or was it merely a reaction to the Tok'ra giving up on them? For a race facing extinction they abandoned their people seemingly without a second thought.

* * *

Jack shook his head and thought _just when you think 'things can't get any worse' you get kicked in the teeth. The man, well Jaffa, my friend Teal'c whom I left for dead was very much alive. And now he was my bitter enemy intent on bringing me to my knees in front of Apophis or killing me. And the goddamned ship, my prize, my goddamned Hatak was crawling with Replicators._

* * *

At first they thought there were only the two ships, theirs and Apophis', both knocked into far and distant territory, then another ship appeared. They fled to escape the aggressive ship to the coronasphere of a blue giant star. When they emerged their Hatak was damaged and only Apophis' ship remained and appeared without life signs. They first thought to use Apophis' ship but the self-destruct was initiated and could not be shut down. Then they attempted to scavenge crystals to repair their ship, this is when they discovered the ship was crawling with Replicators.

It seemed every direction they turned, every choice they made, was wrong. So back to their ship with precious crystals and lo and behold they were signaled by Teal'c in a Tel'tak. Along with him were some Jaffa, who joined him in his quest for freedom. They sought to come aboard. Later when he had a moment to think Jack thought he should have known they were Apophis' invasion force considering how his luck had been running.

It was bizarre but in fact it was actually Apophis and the Replicators that saved them, though not intentionally. Apophis was the one that brought the Tel'tak and the Replicators. The Replicators evacuated the Tel'tak for the higher grade tech of the ship, turning the engine room into bug central and souped up the Ha'tak's hyperdrive in order to invade the high tech world the ship had come from.

After shooting his friend O'Neill and Carter managed to get the brainwashed Teal'c into the Tel'tak so they could abandon the damaged infested ship now that they were back in their home galaxy. Apophis and all the bugs in the Ha'tak were doomed as the scuttled ship crashed into Delmak. It was a spectacular crash and Jack sincerely hoped it was the last they would ever see of Apophis and the Replicators. If luck had anything to do with it they were screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

**502 THRESHOLD**

O'Neill was exhausted after the events of the past few days or was it weeks. It was more mental exhaustion than physical. And although he has tried he could not get more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep and woke as tired as when he went to bed. Bleary eyed and rubbing the ache in the back of his neck he walked down the hall to see how Teal'c was doing, feeling a twinge of guilt for having shot Teal'c.

Daniel was in the infirmary seated a few feet from the heavily sedated Jaffa, who was in sturdy restraints as well.

"How's he doing? Say anything?"

"Not much change, Jack. He did mutter something about my mother and a goat. You really want to know?"

"May come in handy someday."

"Increasing your vocabulary? An expression like that might get you killed."

"Do you think there's a chance in hell he might get out of this on his own, Daniel?"

Daniel, looking sad and hopeless, shook his head.

"The Jaffa, do you know what they're planning to do? I heard about some rite." Jack asked.

"Sounds like torture. As if he hasn't been through enough." Daniel replied.

Jack breathed out a sigh "I don't think he'd want to stay like this. I don't just mean chained up but in thrall to Apophis."

"Do you think this rite is kinda like their medical intervention? I suppose from their perspective that our surgery looks like torture too." Daniel said.

"If it works, how will we know?" Daniel went on "He tried to fool us already. How will we know if we can believe him? Take it on faith?"

"Jeez Daniel. I think, in essence, Teal'c believes in freedom and in himself and that will come out."

"I hope so."

"I'll sit with him for a while. Why don't you get some rest." Jack said.

* * *

Teal'c was either asleep or unconscious so Jack's mind wandered.

When, a few months ago or was it a year ago, there was the possibility that Jack himself could be a Za'tarc. There was a possibility that he had been brainwashed and he wasn't aware it had happened. Was it like that with Teal'c? Had he been tasked to infiltrate the SGC? That couldn't be possible they weren't on Apophis' radar yet. So it must be that Apophis brainwashed Teal'c on their last mission against the SGC and SG-1 in particular.

When it was thought he might be a Za'tarc, Jack didn't know to whom he was a danger or when his programming would be launched. The obvious choice was the president, his commander and chief to whom he swore an oath. Or was it Per'sus the Supreme High Councilor of the Tok'ra? Or someone else, Carter perhaps or Daniel or Teal'c? So he had to let them lead him away, had to let the Tok'ra experiment on him. He had to be the sacrifice.

If he accomplished his programming and the assassination and he was aware, he would be devastated. He understood the suicides.

Jack had no doubt Bra'tac loved Teal'c as a son and he was still willing to perform the rite on Teal'c. Or maybe willing to perform the rite because he loved him. This, too, Jack understood.

* * *

After a few hours Carter relieved the colonel. Teal'c stirred and pleaded with her to release him.

"Have you no faith? Why do you punish me for my beliefs?"

"Apophis is not a god. You know that, Teal'c." Sam said.

"I thought your people allowed freedom of faith?"

"We do…"

He cut her off. "So why then is mine not allowed?"

"He's not…"

Teal'c was agitated and aggressive. "Do you not know what faith is? I cannot help what I believe. What if you were punished for your beliefs?"

He then lapsed into unconsciousness. Sam was relieved because she had no response for his questions.

She was thankful when the colonel and Daniel returned a few hours later. Neither man could sleep.

* * *

"What do you think he meant by valore?" O'Neill asked.

"I don't know, you know how gaudy the Goa'uld dress, so maybe? What do you think he meant by calling me a woman?" Daniel wondered if it were a slight on his manhood or his military prowess.

"I wouldn't think too much about that. He's probably hallucinating." O'Neill went on "I'm more concerned if what we're doing is right?"

"Culturally?"

"If we did this to a human, one of our own, it would be torture. Damn, it is torture."

"We wouldn't…" Daniel couldn't finish.

"What, tie someone down and torture them?" Unfortunately Jack knew better.

"What choice do we have, Jack?" Daniel asked. "If we were tying someone down and trying to convince them their religion was wrong it would be unconscionable. This, this thing he says he believes in is a parasite."

"This rite...Bra'tac says Teal'c will have to go through his life, relive all his losses...to come to the conclusions he had when he saved us on Chulack."

"Bra'tac's not even sure Teal'c will live through it."

"He tough. He's a soldier." Jack said.

"Don't you think we sometimes ask too much of soldiers?"


	3. Chapter 3

**503 Ascension**

For someone who lived the incorporeal life of the intellect, for the ascended Orlan this week was a turmoil of emotions.

At Orlan's first appearance loitering outside her home, Sam thought he was a local 'nut job' as the colonel would have put it. His sudden appearance in her house brought a frisson of fear but she was sure she could take him.

Finding out he was an alien who hitchhiked through the Stargate – well that brought in the cameras. First Sam had to dismantle and hide all the equipment she used to provide her and her home with privacy. When the technicians were through wiring her house the colonel offered to stay. Was it kindness, did he think her uneasy or threatened? Was he interested in spending time with her – but the cameras! Or was he only humoring her? He did look damned fine in his civvies and gave her one of his rare nice smiles. But for him to stay here with her and all the damned cameras – too awkward. She would be more self-conscious than usual with all the cameras focused on them and the alien would definitely be a no show.

She would have liked his company, so much better that the strange alien. The colonel had been trying to get her to take time off but there was so much to do, so much to learn, to advance their understanding of the universe. He said he was afraid she'd crash and burn. Maybe he had a point.

* * *

They showed Jack the video of Carter strolling with the young handsome alien. He had seen for himself the flowers and candles on the nicely set table in her house. He knew he couldn't show any reaction so he hid well the feelings of betrayal. Jack knew Sam, the woman, didn't owe him love but as her superior officer she did owe him loyalty. She should have told him of the return of the Alien.

O'Neill knew Simmons was attempting to manipulate him as well as pressure Hammond. He did what he could to protect Carter, giving her the cover of a supposed order to gather intel.

O'Neill tried it too with that slimy Simmons but Simmons wasn't buying it.

* * *

With all the cameras Sam felt uncomfortable in her own home. With Simmons around she felt uncomfortable on the base. With the colonel seeming distrust she felt untethered.

Her house had been surrounded by airmen. Sam felt so betrayed, especially by him. How could the colonel do that to her? Couldn't he have tried harder? Couldn't he convince them of his trust in her?

Was her befriending Orlan a betrayal of her oath as an officer?

Was her going through the Stargate after Orlon betraying that trust? Her purpose was to save the airmen on Orlan's planet from the wrath of the Ascended.

Orlan claimed to know her down to her soul. After all these years shouldn't the colonel know her that way by now? Did he sell her out to Simmons? He failed her, failed to have her back. She had trusted him.

Didn't they know she would never betray the SGC, never betray Earth, never betray O'Neill? Didn't _he_ know that?


	4. Chapter 4

**504 The Fifth Man**

Sam couldn't believe how she acted in the gate room. She remembered the feelings coursing through her, she can still feel the need, the urgency. They were all ready to go back, weren't they? All of them ready to disobey orders, disobey Hammond to his face. All of them refused to relinquish their weapons, ready to face down their own men to get back to the Colonel and the other guy, Tyler. Or was it just her?

Carter's overwhelming need to go back and save O'Neill was visceral. She wondered if it was the undercurrents of the Thera and Jonah's affair still coursing through her system or was it something else?

It was only the members of SG-1 who remembered Tyler. Hammond said there was never a Tyler assigned to the SGC. Had they returned to the wrong time line or and alternate universe? It didn't seem possible for them to have completely different memories. And Sam had to remain out of trouble. She needed the freedom to resolve the problem of the mysterious Lt. Tyler. This was the only way to return to the Colonel. Sam hacked into the system and it affirmed that Tyler did not exist. It wasn't the SGC that had a problem - it was SG-1's problem.

Colonel Simmons made his way to the SGC in order to investigate a security breach, Sam's hack. There he was again. Not a month ago he destroyed her home looking for a being that only wanted to connect and protect. Simmons bred distrust within the entire base. And now he was here to undermine Hammond's position and those of SG-1 and, perhaps, put in jeopardy Jack O'Neill's life. He interviewed the present members of SG-1 charging them with incident of their past, most of which they had no control over. They, as well as the entire command, had enemies within the government wishing to take control of or shut down the SGC. Both possibilities were incomprehensible to Hammond, Carter, Daniel and Teal'c. O'Neill would have blown a gasket. Sam wondered if Simmons was dragging out his investigation thus stranding O'Neill with minimal supplies and surrounded by a contingent of Jaffa, insuring O'Neill's death.

Janet Fraiser came to the rescue, finding the powdery residue on Teal'c clothing and testing it on herself for its effect. She remembered Tyler.

Meanwhile Colonel O'Neill was busy protecting the wounded Tyler, finding water, keeping watch and awaiting reinforcements. On little to no sleep he dug in their position, planting C-4 and hand grenade linked to trip wires.

Tyler could not understand this man who carried him to safety and would probably die fighting to protect him. He told the truth and showed O'Neill his true form. He was a Reole, a species who relied on their chameleon like attributes for protection rather than technology. O'Neill chose to remain and protect him. Overwhelmed by Jaffa, Jack had his hands up in surrender, facing death, a charged staff weapon aimed at him. SG-1 arrived in the nick of time to save his life.

The planet was still crawling with Jaffa and this time Tyler took his life in his hands to allow SG-1 to escape. They, true to form, saved the alien and hopefully made an ally of his race.

When he returned to the SGC Hammond took Jack into his office. "I don't think this Simmons is in it for the military or for Earth for that matter. I think he's the kind of person that's only in it for himself. And we had better all be wary of him."

They may have made a new friend off world but here on Earth, within the Air Force and their own government, they had a powerful enemy.


	5. Chapter 5

**505 Red Sky**

O'Neill ground his teeth as he realized their rough landing through the annulus should have been a harbinger of this totally fucked up mission. Elves, yeah sure, they looked like elves. He was totally pissed at the Asgard whom he regarded as friends.

Carter had overridden some safety protocols to get them a lock. Maybe she was a bit irresponsible but she was pushed to accomplish the impossible every day and O'Neill realized, full well, he was the impatient one doing a lot of the pushing.

The Asgard would not help. Their interference would have jeopardized the many other worlds, including Earth, covered by the Protected Planets Treaty. So again it was put upon Carter to resolve the problem, a problem of the imminent death of this world. In three months all plant life would die and with that all life.

Sam took the disaster on her shoulders. She concocted a solution, ridiculously expensive, and with a slim to none chance of success but they had to try. So within three weeks the SG teams specializing in engineering were well on their way to erecting a platform and assembling a missile to send an exotic element into their sun.

And the radical faction of the population blew it up, killing airmen from Earth who were merely trying to help them. Some of their own perished and many were injured

His team had never seen O'Neill so angry. Some of his people were killed on a whim of a fanatic while they were working to save these people.

The adrenaline was pumping into Jack's system with every beat of his racing heart. He didn't hear anything. Didn't see anything except that loathsome, grinning, fucking coward he wanted so badly to kill. He wanted it so badly he could taste it. If killing him would bring his men back he wouldn't have restrained himself. And he was using every bit of restraint he had, his hands trembled trying to take control of his anger. Killing Malchus would only bring more death and destruction.

He wanted to wash his hands of these people and leave them to their fate. But his better angels, Carter and Daniel, convinced him to give it one last try. Teal'c was the only one unphased by O'Neill's anger, since he himself understood the wrath one felt at the pointless waste of your troops' lives.

They tried again and Sam was convinced they failed again. However when they were about to take their leave the sun returned to its former state. Had they in fact accomplished this or was it the Asgard?

After her contact with the Ascended being Sam was more aware of the fact that no one on the base was her intellectual equal, at least when it came to theoretical astrophysics. Was she merely confident in her field or had she become intellectually arrogant? Sam returned to the SGC feeling insecure. She wondered if she should be making these life altering decisions. Should she be in the field, flying by the seat of her pants, or should she return to theoretical science? Was it courage (the field unit) versus safety (the lab)? Hubris versus self-doubt? With this disaster would she become overly cautious and could this lead to further disasters? (And the thing the Colonel hated the most about Malchus was his cowardice.)

Was she blindly blundering through the galaxy leaving how many disasters in her wake?

* * *

Sam didn't think only of herself. Not only these past few weeks, it was the past few months that had been trying for all of them. It was easy for them to give support to one another but the colonel stood alone, especially from her. Sam worried that O'Neill was troubled. He nearly killed a man and before that was nearly killed himself. Today the colonel attended the servicemen killed in the explosion on K'Tau. Sam would have accompanied him but was detained by a last minute problem with the dialing program.

That evening Sam drove over to his house. His truck was in the driveway and the house was dark. Sam climbed the ladder on the side of the house to his aerie. She got a "Hey Carter" before her head cleared the roof. He sat there on the deck, knees bent and a water bottle dangling from his fingers.

Sam greeted him with a smile and a "Sir".

"Want something to drink?" He asked as he dug around in a small cooler. "I've got...ah...water and water."

"Do you want me to go pickup…" Sam started to ask.

"No, thanks Sam, Reynolds has night duty and I'm on call in case something _weird_ happens."

She laughed. "Weird? Isn't that our usual."

He pulled a cushion off a chair, put it on the deck next to him and she sat down.

Then she asked "Stargazing?"

It was a very cloudy night, threatening to rain.

"Ya know I used to find it calming, the planets and their moons, the constellations." He waved his hand toward the sky. "But now it's wondering what star had gone nova or turned into a brown dwarf destroying whatever civilizations were on the planets orbiting them. What planet's population is at war or is some enemy bombarding them from space."

"You still like to fish?" Sam asked.

"It's almost the same with fishing. A pond looks so peaceful, rippling water reflecting the trees and sky. But below it's big fish eat the little fish. Lurking leeches and snapping turtles. From above it's kingfishers, herons and the odd fisherman." Jack was sounding rather depressed.

"I thought these hobbies were moments of Zen for you." Sam said.

"I haven't completely ruined my favorite hobbies. I still enjoy looking at the night sky. But I've taken to clipping the barbs off my hooks."

She turned, leaned over and put her arms around him. She felt a little awkward but this is why she came over here. "When I needed a hug you have always been there for me." He hesitated for a fraction of a second then fiercely hugged her back. They both could have stayed like this forever, drawing strength and peace from one another. He slowly loosened his hold and to his surprise she kissed his cheek. His fingertips lingered on her arms as she pulled away. Sam got up and left with a simple "Good night sir". If she didn't leave then she was definitely going to stay.

While they had been talking the sky cleared somewhat and between the scattered clouds stars filled the night.


	6. Chapter 6

**506 Rite of Passage**

**Janet**

This job was both exhilarating and frustrating. Although she had the finest staff and the most cutting edge equipment so often she did not have a clue what to do, yet she learned something new every day. It was especially frustrating having so much at your disposal yet watching young men die without the ability to help them.

Janet Fraiser was so tired of seeing young men die. She did all she could. She saw men seriously wounded brush it off saying it was nothing. They were fine and they needed to get back to help their teammates. She's told more than one to shut the hell up and lie back down. Some men with barely a scratch whined. She assumed it was the overwhelming fear, generated by an enemy so evil, brave men lost heart.

She saw officers holding the hand of their dying men, asking her if there wasn't something, anything, she could do. "He's only a kid, doc." she heard too often. She saw men roll up their sleeves to give blood for an injured comrade when it was leaking out of wounds on themselves.

She saw first hand the awful things weapons of war could do.

She had learned so much, seen so many miracles but spent a large part of her time fumbling in the dark. So often she was faced with the incomprehensible; situations or symptoms she was not trained for nor had anyone on the Earth had ever seen before. She learned, she experimented, she persevered. She did all she could for the SGC.

She loved this job and some days she hated it. She made sure these fine men and women were healthy when they left through the gate and did her best when they returned. And she mourned those who never came back.

This enemy she had seen wreak havoc on so many now had come after her daughter – it was the last straw. The dedicated doctor, the loving mother became a warrior.


	7. Chapter 7

**507 Beast of Burden**

Much to Daniel's dismay when they finally had time to look in again at Chakka there was a full scale war going on.

It hadn't initially been all Daniel's fault, but he had unwittingly left the bait in their trap. When the slave masters sprung their trap they caught a Unas who knew freedom and was willing to start a revolution.

It was not just the Unas against humans although that was the majority of the combatants. Some of the 'domesticated ' Unas preferred to stay with their masters, many did not know any other life. And for others it was not loyalty to the adults but to the children they had reared and guarded.

Daniel wanted to go in with a small force to broker a ceasefire and possibly a peace treaty before too much blood was shed, before this war caused irreparable harm and neither side could see it's way clear to lay down their arms. Jack quite well remembered being chained in a cell in a barn while Unas were cavalierly executed for information. He wanted nothing more to do with anyone on this planet but felt somewhat guilty in getting this already seething ball of resentment and revenge rolling.

Some of the Unas chose to migrate back to their home world. However they feared they would be seen as inferior without the instinct to fight for dominance.

Some of the Unas, especially those born here, saw this as an opportunity to create their own villages and culture. Relating to the humans would be problematic and there remained the fear of retribution or possible future enslavement. There was also the possibility of a real alliance. Life on this planet as on most worlds was hard and they would have to rely on one another's strengths to forge a future.

Daniel, the peacemaker, would have his work cut out for him.


	8. Chapter 8

**The Tomb 508**

It had been one creepy and decrepit place. For Marduk and some of the Russians it was the site of horror and death. All this and the icing on the cake for O'Neill was a team of Russians with a chain of command issues and secret agendas.

The mission was now done and the Russians were leaving for home but a debrief with the entire SG-1 resumed.

"Now as you remember" Daniel droned on "it was Dr. Britski who found the coordinates and the reference to the Eye of Tiamat before he knew of the Stargate or the Goa'uld. Once they learned of the Stargate why did they want it so badly?"

"Especially since they sent a secret team of commandos to retrieve it." Jack interjected.

Daniel went on "The Eye had been merely thought of as mythical, a large jewel of magical power possessed by the god Marduk."

"So Daniel, this Eye of Tiamat, how come Marduk had it or how come it's not the Eye of Marduk?" Jack was sorry he asked the minute the words were out of his mouth.

"Tiamat was a primordial goddess of the salt sea, a symbol of chaos and creation." Daniel could see eyes rolling back in their heads as he went into lecture mode so he changed tactics. "Long story short, she mates with the god of freshwater and gives birth to the gods. They, the gods, in a power struggle, kill Tiamat's mate, their father. Then Tiamat, in turn, goes after them. She spawns monsters and dragons but is killed by Marduk, her grandson. He takes the Eye, her power source. And he cuts her up to make the heavens and the earth."

Even Carter looked a little grossed out.

"Nice family, they sound like Goa'ulds." Jack said.

"Oh yeah." Daniel agreed.

"So this Eye, what is the significance? Is it just a symbol or an ornament?" Carter asked.

"You mean like the Eye of Ra." This was more than familiar to Daniel. He wore the amulet around his neck on the very first trip through the Stargate. And the symbol was displayed in Abydos. When the Abydonians first saw it around Daniel's neck they bowed down to him as if to a god.

"I don't think the Russians thought so. They were intent on finding it." Jack went on. "Are there more? Does every Goa'uld have one? And I can't believe I'm suggesting this, should we go back and look for it? It is buried under a ton of rubble."

Hammond spoke "I'll order a M.A.L.P. sent through and access the damage to the planet. There's a pretty busy schedule today. Better make it tomorrow or the next day at the latest. After that we'll access whether or not it's worthwhile retrieving the Eye. Dismissed."

As they left the briefing room O'Neill could vaguely make out Daniel's voice as he droned on to Carter. "It's called Chaoskampf...storm god kills dragon...chaos vs order...patriarchy overcoming matriarchy. Common plot convention...trope" Jack was so glad they got the short version.

* * *

When the M.A.L.P. finally went through the Stargate and sent images back. It was hard to recognize the surroundings. The Ziggurat was totally destroyed, merely a heap of rubble.

"Did we do that?" It always offended Daniel when an archaeological treasure was destroyed.

"I don't think that's possible. It was a sufficient amount of explosives to bring down some of the internal structure but not that much." Carter said.

"The temple was exceedingly old. Perhaps age and C-4 were responsible. However it also looks as though a pit was dug and some stones were tossed aside." Teal'c noted pointing to a section of the ruins.

"Yeah like they were looking for something." O'Neill agreed. "Or maybe something crawled out."

* * *

The next day an unexpected visitor came through the Stargate. Bra'tac asked to meet with General Hammond and SG-1, all of whom assembled in the briefing room.

"A young Jaffa, badly wounded, fled to the Free Jaffa. He had been in service to a minor Goa'uld, Shai, who was a minion of Apophis. Their planet was invaded by a battalion of Jaffa and the Goa'uld Tanith looking for a treasure. They questioned many, tortured many and slaughtered them when they did not provide the answers they sought. There were too many for them to defend their world and he was the only one we know of that escaped their wrath. There were many women and children and he was troubled he did not stand to defend them. He does not know if any survived but if they did, they will certainly need help."

A M.A.L.P. was sent and no signs of activity were evident. In fact it was unearthly quiet.

SG-1 geared up and went to investigate. Bra'tac and a small contingent of Jaffa accompanied them. A few bodies were strewn about the gate platform. Next the team came across what once had been a burial ground. There were pits dug, fresh corpses, broken coffins, enshrouded bodies in various states of decay and dismembered skeletons.

"Someone was looking for something." Daniel said.

"Ya think." O'Neill growled. He was angry at the carnage, at the contempt for what was usually held as inviolate.

The smell and the buzzing flies, the horror of it all made Carter and Daniel feel physically sick. Unfortunately O'Neill and Teal'c had seen all of this before. The stench of decay and the smell of charred flesh that drew them to this spot was now what drove them away. There was nothing right now they could do for the dead.

The village was a charnel house. The once stately pyramid was reduced to rubble. The Goa'uld Shai in his exotic garments lay dead by a sparkling fountain with colorful fish bloated and floating. His robes were shredded like his flesh.

"Jack" Daniel called him again. The Colonel seemed lost in the disaster. "Jack, I think this is the same thing. I think they were looking for another Eye. I don't think they knew Apophis was dead. But Tanith either thinks Apophis has lost power or just out of the picture. But he was in service to Apophis so he might have known where Apophis hid his Eye."

"In this backwater, yeah, who would look here. Let's get out of here."

Before the Stargate as Daniel prepared to dial Earth, Bra'tac conferred with Colonel O'Neill. The Jaffa would remain and take care of the bodies of their dead and if possible salvage any symbiotes that had any life in them. The rebel Jaffa were desperate for them.

Only one question remained. Was Tanith working for himself having assumed Apophis remaining forces or was he in service to a more powerful Goa'uld?

* * *

Sam could not get the smell off her body or out of her hair no matter how well she showered. On her irritated skin she rubbed a flowery body lotion but it reminded her of the scent of a funeral parlor. She rubbed it off, irritating her skin more. Thinking the smell of death must have come back with them and was lingering there, Sam left the base as soon as possible. Still the smell assaulted her nostrils, it even persisted as a taste in her mouth.

On her way home she stopped by a local bakery, hoping the aromas there would replace or at least mask the smell she could not elude. She nearly gagged. She bought some cinnamon buns and dashed out.

Sam thought about going home, it had been a trying day. The fear that this day would replay in nightmare caused her to drive off in a different direction. There was one person who would know how to address this problem.

She found him in his aerie. The cushion she sat on a few weeks ago was beside him. She sat down and told him what she had done and yet failed to rid herself of what lingered from today's mission, the smells and the memories.

She asked "How do you do it?"

"Usually bourbon." O'Neill answered honestly.

"Not tonight?" She asked, noticing the coffee cup.

"Thought about it."

"How do I get the smell out of my hair, off me." She rubbed at her hands. "How do I get the image of all that carnage out of my mind?"

He leaned over and sniffed her hair. "Smells like flowers, subtle, not too overpowering, not _too_ girly. Might be sneeze worthy to Daniel though."

She laughed.

He touched her leather jacket, his face close to her neck and said "Smells nice." His voice was soft and dreamy, he was entranced by this nearness to her.

She could feel his breath on her skin.

He was so close, he was whispering in her ear. "As for getting it out of your mind…" he paused for a moment and said "you need to make a new memory."

All she could smell was almonds and sandlewood of his soap and the leather of his jacket and him.

Her voice unusually breathy as she started to say "It would have to be a pretty startling memory to replace …"

He kissed her long and deep.

When he pulled away she was dazzled and gasping, he was a bit dazed himself. Somehow her fingers were in his hair and she could feel the warmth of his fingers on her face. And she seemed to have lost the ability to speak.

He seriously considered taking this further but he was afraid he had overstepped their usual bounds as it was.

His voice was rough and low when he asked "You still have those cinnamon buns?"


	9. Chapter 9

**509 Between Two Fires**

Omac was dead and SG-1's presence was requested at his final service. Narim told them Omac himself had requested their presence since he had admired them. Jack thought this was bizarre. He was sure Omac detested them. Jack didn't particularly care for Omac and had been totally surprised by the invitation. The team, unarmed, attended in formal attire as befitting a fallen member of the Tollan Curia. Only Narim and High Chancellor Travell were present beside SG-1, Narim giving the eulogy. The sparsely attended funeral seemed strange considering Omac's position in the government of Tollana yet understandable considering his personality.

Chancellor Travell invited the representatives from Earth to return soon so they could discuss trade which up until now had been totally off limits. Before they left Narim slipped something into Samantha Carter's hand. Upon returning through the Stargate Carter opened her hand to see a hologram of Narim. He claimed Omac warned that Earth was in danger and shortly after his supposed heart attack may have been murder.

Jack O'Neill was not the most trusting man and this whole affair had his spidey senses not just tingling but jangling.

O'Neill, as a representative of Earth, was offered Ion cannons in exchange for trinium. This would fulfill their standing orders - technology to protect Earth. It was just too damned easy, especially when Jack came back with the enormous request for 38 cannons and was not rejected.

What they found out was the Goa'uld Tanith had forced the Tollan to do his bidding or be destroyed. The Goa'uld no longer feared the Tollan since they had shields protecting their ships against the ion cannons. The Tollan were instructed to build weapons with their phase shifting devices so that they could be sent through the Stargate and pass through the SGC protective iris. Furthermore the Tollan were forced to be the executioners themselves, the ones who sent the bombs, thus protecting the Goa'uld from violating the Protected Planets Treaty.

Jack wondered what Earth would do, what he would do, if they were in the same position as the Tollan. What would they do if push came to shove? Were they too ethical for that?

Tanith himself posed a problem. Obviously he had not been caught up with the rest of Apophis' fleet when Vorash's sun went nova and he certainly wasn't with Apophis when he met his end on Delmak. Who was Tanith in service to now and where did he get the Hatak?

The Goa'uld attacked Tollana when the bombs were destroyed and their plot fouled. The Tollan were lost. O'Neill wasn't enamored with the Tollan but he hadn't wished this on them either. The take home lesson for O'Neill was arrogance will kill you in the end.

Jack was also no fan of Narim but was sorry to see him and these advanced people meet their end at the hands of the Goa'uld. He knew Narim had a thing for Carter and he supposed Sam had a soft spot for Narim. Daniel told Jack about the emotion armband thingy the Narim have given to Sam. Jack knew. He played with it one day while waiting for Carter to finish a complicated and protracted conversation with one of the other scientists. He learned more than he probably should. He, undoubtedly, pressed too many buttons, he was bored. Jack wondered if this gizmo would be the only way he could ever tell Carter how he felt. If she ever examines it again she'd know.


	10. Chapter 10

**510 2001**

They were off to see the wizard or wizards, dragging along the naitly dressed ambassador in his very shiny shoes. And all O'Neill could think of was he and Carter might finally get their chance, their happily ever after. Sure the Ambassador looked smitten, the poor misguided fellow was smiling at Carter and inviting her to lunch. But if they could fulfill their standing orders, bring home the proverbial bacon from these humorless drones Jack could retire in peace. And they could have their chance. Earth would be safe. Carter would have all the tech and theory she ever hoped for. And he could share a life with her and maybe get a dog.

Since the possibility of fulfilling their standing orders had been recently dashed by the Tollan disaster, O'Neill was wary.

Since O'Neill didn't trust easily (no matter how much he, and all the rest of them for that matter, hoped the Aschen were their salvation), Daniel and Teal'c were sent off to snoop.

The Aschen made it clear that the Earth's population was unsustainable. The old Volian newspaper banner headline stated "Sterility" with photos of rioting civilians beneath was the death blow to diplomacy.

Then it occurred to them the Aschen were probably from a planet they were warned against in a blood spattered note from the future. Only Kinsey didn't care. The possibility of this alliance fell into Kinsey's political machinations. He forced the continuation of diplomatic relations.

The Aschen demanded Stargate addresses in exchange for further sharing of technology. O'Neill needed Carter to find out all she could yet he hated putting her in that position. Kinsey had nailed his feet to the floor, forbidding him to return to the desired allies. This mission was one of extreme jeopardy. Sam and the ambassador returned to Volians homeworld with orders to continue negotiations with the Aschen. The SGC acceded to this demand of Stargate addresses however the first site on the laptop was a black hole. It was Carter's intelligence and agility that saved her life and that of the entire Earth's. Unfortunately the Ambassador and fortunately a biological weapon did not return to Earth.

Jack was sure they were being spied upon at the SGC. He didn't know who or how. Why was it that Kinsey knew O'Neill was in Washington D.C. on his way to see the president. Kinsey knew when and where to pick Jack up and to stop him. There was probably a whole hell of a lot of information as well as a load of scurrilous rumors that Kinsey had access to.

As Jack flew back to Colorado Springs he thought about the blood splattered note. Doctor Fraiser had examined it. He had recognized his writing and his signature but it was Doctor Fraiser who confirmed it was his blood and a trace of Carter's as well.

They didn't know from where or when it had come from. Was it sent from the future or had it been sent from an alternate universe. Carter said that was improbable but not impossible. Kinsey, when he gleefully prevented O'Neill from seeing the president, said the ink had not been invented yet.

What Jack gravitated toward though was he and Carter were together. Together warning their other selves not to go to P4C-970. They were together and they were both bleeding. He didn't mind so much his own blood but not her's. He'd prevent that if possible.

On his return to the SGC Hammond warned Jack about certain rumors, rumors that could seriously hurt Carter's reputation. So when Carter, the woman who just saved Earth's entire human population, flew through the Stargate, she was left to lie in pain on the ramp. He didn't go to her, he didn't pick her up. He wanted to, his hand itched to.

None of this had played out as he had hoped. His plans, his hopes were put back on the shelf. No end to war, no peace, no Carter, and no dog.


	11. Chapter 11

**511 Desperate Measures**

He came to save her and she found him face down in the basement.

What bothered her the most was not all the whining about needing arms on his bulletproof vest but the fact he didn't get to his feet. He didn't even try to sit up. Sam was somewhat relieved when O'Neill groused "I've been shot." She almost laughed, it must have been nervousness. His arm was bloody but it didn't seem too serious. So why was he still down? She felt his body looking for other wounds and he didn't object. Why didn't he tell her what hurt? It couldn't be he was enjoying her hands all over him, could it?

When the EMTs arrived he still didn't stand. He let them carry him out on a stretcher. That was not like O'Neill at all. Something was definitely wrong. Sam knew a round had hit his vest. Hammond saw that his people were equipped with the best, could a round have gone through his vest and she missed it. Sam followed the stretcher and insisted on accompanying O'Neill in the ambulance.

* * *

Carter was at the local _real hospital_. The colonel had been whisked off to be evaluated while she had her blood drawn. She had been given a once over and was getting dressed in clothes Daniel had thought to bring with him. Her next stop, as well as the Colonel's, was a plane ride to the SGC and the capable arms of Doctor Fraiser, for extensive tests due to her peculiar physiology. Sam sincerely hoped the Colonel would be on his feet by then.

Maybourne slid behind the curtain and asked as he stared at her. "You decent? How's Jack?"

"You... how do you have the nerve to show here after what..."

"I swear I didn't shoot him. Honest. Shoot Jack and not kill him, you gotta be kidding me. Anyway we put vests on together."

Carter wasn't buying Maybourne's line.

"I'm a better shot than that, if I wanted to kill him he'd be dead, look for someone else. Anyway I like Jack." Maybourne said.

Carter seemed to calm down, maybe this was making sense.

"You know it's really all your fault." Maybourne said.

"What the hell?" Sam couldn't believe what Maybourne was saying. How dare he think she would put the Colonel in jeopardy. Wasn't she the one who was kidnapped? She was the one who had been tied to a gurney and drugged out of her mind. She was feeling bad enough, the colonel had to come to her rescue and got hurt in the process.

"He took this whole thing pretty bad. He came to me, _me_, for information to try and find you. Jack was really worried. You... ah" Maybourne made a face trying to find the right words "distract him. Getting distracted in the field is going to get him killed one of these days. You have him by the … I was going to say balls but it's his heart. You tug on that enough and it's not just gonna break, it's gonna rip apart."

Sam was too nonplussed to even respond.

"There are worse things than getting shot. Some things hurt worse than bullets. You know, Major Carter, he's just a guy."

Maybourne slipped away while Carter stood there dumbfounded.

* * *

O'Neill was annoyed. He wasn't getting any information from the doctors here. Fraiser, the one doctor he trusted, wasn't here yet. And he was numb from about mid chest down. This was not how he envisioned leaving his military career.

He tried to get up but his body refused to respond. It wasn't that he had no sensations, he lacked control. The toes of his left foot twitched but not of his own volition. He couldn't swing his legs over the side of the bed.

First thing, they patched up his arm which hurt and he could move his arms. That was good. But not good enough as he tried to bat away the nurses as they approached with a catheter. He did bully them into retreat.

When asked he couldn't turn over so the doctors could examine his back.

An orderly flipped him over. He found it humiliating.

The doctors inspected bruising to O'Neill's back directly over his spinal column where a round had hit his vest. They also inspected lab reports and x-ray films.

They 'ahhed' and 'hmmed' and muttered among themselves. He experienced some pins and needles, mostly their needle sticks and pin pricks. One of the doctors poked him down one side of his body and up the other. And yeah, he felt it.

One of the doctors told him not to worry as the gaggle of them retired to the other side of the curtain. He heard the consult.

"If it was an armor piercing bullet or a few inches higher we'd be looking at a corpse."

"It did enough damage."

"But all in all he's a lucky bastard."

At the moment he didn't feel lucky. And didn't these idiots know curtains weren't soundproof. From what Jack gathered, there was bruising to his spinal column which might or might not leave permanent damage.

The curtain on the other side parted and Jack scowled as he expected more poking and prodding.

"Colonel."

"Carter." He was pleased to see her up and about but not happy for her to see him flat on his back, immobile. However there was some tingling, which could be caused by the nearness of a certain Major.

"How are you sir?"

He scowled and grunted. Obviously he didn't want to talk about it.

He glanced at her and realized she looked as though she had been through the mill. In truth she had endured much more than him.

"You okay?" He asked.

She, like him, brushed it off, then said "I spoke to Maybourne…"

O'Neill rose half out of the bed bellowing "THAT SON OF A BITCH."

The outburst turned heads and raised eyebrows all over the ER.

In walked Dr. Fraiser who simply said "Oh, there you are Colonel."

* * *

By the time SG-1 boarded the plane to Peterson O'Neill was walking under his own steam, albeit a tad stiffly.

Sam sat beside him and she tried to thank him for saving her life.

"I'm sorry it took so damn long." O'Neill said, the fear he was almost too late still gnawing at him. Trying to keep his distance from Carter, he almost lost her due to his negligence. He continued "And as for Maybourne, he's the son of a bitch that sold the symbiote to Conrad in the first place. If I hadn't gotten him out of prison… Carter, don't trust him, don't ever trust him."

Within a half an hour the Colonel fell asleep. The even breathing of the sleeping man had Carter's eyes fluttering shut as she slipped into a doze beside him, her head on his shoulder.


	12. Chapter 12

**512 Wormhole Xtreme**

As the words rolled up the screen O'Neill whined "Star Wars again".

Teal'c was taken aback since it was his favorite. "I find this tale intriguing. Is it not true?"

O'Neill was incredulous. "What...no, it's Science fiction."

Daniel expounded "It's a story, myth if you like..."

O'Neill sighed "Here we go again, another lecture."

Carter failed to see the charm of these films and said "These stories are so out there, so much bad science."

Daniel backed his point. "That's not the point. They're stories of heroes and friendship and courage."

O'Neill looking back at their last mission said "Think about Wormhole X-treme."

Carter actually had watched an episode or two said "I'd rather not."

O'Neill went on "Well for the 5 people that watch it, it tells of travel to other planets, an assortment of other civilizations, some more primitive and some more advanced. And the possibility of intergalactic war."

Daniel failed to understand how the government allowed the show to be aired "Why are we doing this?"

O'Neill responded "We're not doing anything."

Daniel was incensed. "Why are we allowing this, promoting this...second rate absurd travesty of our..."

O'Neill responded "Disinformation"

Daniel was thoroughly annoyed "Lies, feeding gullible people lies."

"You mean bullshit?"

Daniel said "Doesn't it bother you, Jack?"

"You know someday all this will come out, what we do. Maybe this, all these sci-fi stories, will soften the blow." Jack said.

Daniel questioned "Using these modern 'myths', science fiction, to introduce some of the things we now know and can't admit."

Jack nodded.

Carter wondered, "Are we allowing fantasies to be told about aliens wrapped up in errors about basic physics so no one will believe it."

Daniel asked "You think people won't be shocked when this all comes out? Are we going public?"

O'Neill said "Not any time soon as far as I know."

Daniel stated his firm belief. "People should know the truth."

Jack asked "You think they're ready?"

Carter said testily "I just wish they get the science in _science _fiction right."

O'Neill responded "Touchy, touchy. What about heroes that can never die or fail."

Carter rejoined with "Or the scientist that knows everything in every discipline and can solve any problem in 60 minutes or less."

O'Neill said "You don't want them skirting too close to the truth. Anyway we need a way to debunk things or disavow a leak."

Teal'c was disconcerted. "Star Wars is not true?"

O'Neill eyebrows rose in incredulity and skirted the question. He asked "Refill anyone?"

* * *

After Jack left for the kitchen for more drinks and snacks,

Daniel asked "Sam, what do you think about Martin?"

Sam, whose mind had been elsewhere, asked "What do you mean?"

Daniel asked "What would you do if you were stranded on an alien planet?"

Sam gave the standard answer. "Survive as best I could and try to find a way back."

Daniel knew their lives were not so simple. "What if there was no way back?"

Sam didn't want to think about this right now if ever. "Daniel…"

Daniel went on "How long did it take for Jack to go native on…"

Sam did not want to respond, there were too many emotions this topic brought up. She was surprised after all this time she still harbored lingering resentment. This persisting anger she knew was unmerited. She definitely had sympathy for the emotional turmoil he went through, and there was frustration at her failure to help him sooner. But he had turned to that woman. She had expected him to be thrilled to see her, to appreciate the miracle she had wroth and instead he turned to that woman.

And then, too, was their time together stranded on the ice world. There they didn't realize they were trapped, they didn't remember they had a world to return to. There they gravitated toward one another and were free to love one another.

Sam got up and left, using the excuse of helping Jack, and walked to the kitchen. She found him by the sliders to the back deck. He stood there with his hands hanging loose at his side. She was curious what had caught his interest and so stood beside him. The sunset was spectacular, the sun was a ball of blazing fire and the sky was awash with color.

"Never waste a beautiful sunset." he simply said.

"Beautiful" She said. Her fingers found his hand.

"Yes" he replied as she felt his fingers tightened around hers. "Beautiful."

Sam held on tight for a mere nano second and then let go as if it never happened.

They walked back into the living room with arms full of bags of chips and bottles of beer.

* * *

A/N: Be well my friends


	13. Chapter 13

**513 Proving Ground**

The team, SG-1 did their best to make the final test for the recruits realistic. They plotted it out and made it as complicated as possible to weed out the sheep from the goats and hopefully see a semblance of unit cohesion. But O'Neill was worried he had failed them. Possibly the test wasn't straightforward enough or the fact that no real physical danger was involved. Did these 'kids' just see it as play acting? Jack understood their dedication, their sense of duty and perhaps their misplaced enthusiasm. It was just that they were so young and naive and O'Neill was so sick of the blood on his hands. He had to train them to kill and prepare them to die.

The test might have seemed hard to the cadets, maybe it even seemed real. Parts were real enough to Jack. O'Neill's side was bruised by the blank fired at him to break the squib to simulate a wound. And he did get zatted. There wasn't any real danger to the cadets except for the hazards they created for themselves. O'Neill wondered if these raw recruits would last out in the field. He would have prefered combat ready, battle hardened soldiers. They needed more volunteers than they could attract or could get clearance for. Jack didn't get to choose except to choose among the young trainees. Were they throwing these young inexperienced servicemen and women in harm's way, throwing them to the wolves, using them as cannon fodder?

The SGC needed the manpower and Jack had recruited all the older experienced people he knew. But there was a need for young blood, for those adaptable, comfortable with and knowledgeable of modern technology. The SGC needed them but Jack feared he was leading them to an early grave. It kept him up at night. How could he possibly get across how dangerous it was. And contrary to some of SG-1's experiences, in most cases death was actually final.

These young men and women had been regaled with stories of how SG-1 bounced back after mission after mission. What they didn't know about was the pain of flashbacks, the nightmares, the PTSD symptoms, the wear and tear on their bodies. They were unaware of the loneliness, the inability to talk to your family about your life, all the lies, the 'I'm fine' when you were holding on by your fingernails.


	14. Chapter 14

**514 48 Hours**

Teal'c was lost or stuck. And they were given an arbitrary time in which to save him. A ridiculously short period of time for something so complex. If they failed in the allotted 48 hours the code locked in the Stargate which was Teal'c essence would be overwritten.

Each member of SG-1 took a different route to save their brother-in-arms. Carter, of course, took the scientific route. O'Neill's path, without the ability to communicate with their allies, was by way of who on Earth might know how to reintegrate Teal'c's molecular signature. And Daniel was sent to Russia to bargain for a DHD for Sam's scheme to work.

To stymie Sam's work she was given an unreasonable amount of time to actualize her plan and an obnoxious yet brilliant man to work with. He was a hindrance. McKay and Simmons seemed to be waiting for Sam to fail. They held no hope for Teal'c's chances and had already written him off as a casualty. Considering the arrogance of Rodney McKay, Sam had recently worried she, herself, had become arrogant, taking too many chances with the lives of the men and women of the SGC. Bumping against his inflated ego she seemed modest yet was a force to reckon with.

Then, too, was the reappearance of Colonel Simmons. He attempted to extort General Hammond, holding out the vital information Carter needed in order to save Teal'c, in exchange for a Goa'uld hand device. Hammond gave him the boot instead.

Jack and his unlikely ally Harry Maybourne found the answer. They located the Goa'uld infested Adrian Conrad whom Simmons had sequestered. Jack immediately called Carter with the information hoping he wasn't too late to save his friend. With the DHD Daniel had bargained for, Teal'c re-emerged from the Stargate no worse considering the harrowing situation. In fact Teal'c was quite pleased with himself. He had exacted retribution for the death of Shau'nac by annihilating Tanith.

Jack found the information.

Daniel procured the DHD.

Sam integrated Stargate and DHD .

And Teal'c was saved.

A SG-1 team effort.

* * *

Later, as the gate room was being cleaned up and the bits and pieces of the Russian's DHD were being gathered, SG-1 met with General Hammond.

O'Neill told them of finding Adrian Conrad who was implanted with a Goa'uld symbiote. "He was in a NID safe house in Minot, North Dakota, of all places." Jack hated to admit it but Harry Maybourne was instrumental in finding the Goa'uld and the information necessary to release Teal'c from the Stargate buffer. "Harry said he didn't shoot me. It was Simmons all along while he was helping the Goa'uld to escape."

"What did he want with Adrian Conrad's Goa'uld?" Daniel asked.

"Couldn't have been just information. Simmons was after a hand device."

"Why would he give a weapon to a Goa'uld?" The very thought was incomprehensible to all of them.

All of this brought up unpleasant memories for Samantha Carter: Simmons and his NID goons invading her privacy and tearing up her house,

Simmons putting the Colonel's life in jeopardy off world,

her imprisonment and near death at Conrad's lackeys hands,

Simmons shooting Colonel O'Neill

and today's near loss of Teal'c.

General Hammond finished the meeting informing them "We have both Conrad and Simmons under lock and key. Although the NID agents were nowhere to be found, the tapes of the interrogation of the Goa'uld have been secured. It seems our friend, the former Colonel Simmons, has delusions of grandeur."

* * *

After the debrief Sam felt vindicated about her assessment of Simmons.

"You never liked him." Jack said.

"You did?" Sam asked.

"No, he's definitely an arrogant, manipulative slime ball, but he didn't say I was crazy and then destroyed my house."

"If he had had his way you'd be dead beside that Reole Tyler. And I thought it was you who thought I was losing my mind." Sam came back.

"Burning out, I was afraid you'd burn out. I still think you could use a vacation. Hell all of us could. Let's get Daniel and Teal'c and go out to dinner. Whatcha say?"

"Celebrate Teal'c's revenge?" Sam quipped to see the Colonel wince. "And those two locked up for good."

"That's worth celebrating." Jack said.

"Yes sir."


	15. Chapter 15

**515 Summit and 516 Last Stand**

The Tok'ra Ren'al came to the SGC with a proposal and they needed a volunteer. Of course only one person fit the bill. Daniel was the perfect person to engage in a complicated, dangerous and ethically challenged Tok'ra plot. Lucky him.

Daniel Jackson felt pressure to do it, not only from the Tok'ra and his fellow members of the SGC but also personally from within. He felt the desire to defeat, to obliterate the race that stole and destroyed his wife and also had enslaved her people.

If that wasn't bad enough Daniel was faced with commiting mass murder and perhaps the beginning of a genocide. Okay they were killing parasites but the parasites' hosts were doomed as well. And the means for this extermination was chemical warfare. It seemed respect for the Geneva Conventions did not extend to the void of space. Didn't the ethics of the men of Earth extend that far? Conversely was it ethical to allow the Goa'uld to continue to exist?

O'Neill and Carter had qualms over the use of chemical warfare and moreover for Daniel to be the person chosen for the execution of the plot. Jack was sure it would haunt Daniel's ethically sensitive soul. But for Teal'c it was more complicated. This would not only kill the Goa'uld but would kill Jaffa as well. Teal'c thought Daniel should take the chance and exterminate the System Lords. But he knew that if the poison were to fall into the wrong hands It would be the end of his race and especially his boy Rya'c.

Equipped with the Reole chemical, Daniel was sent off to trick Lord Yu that he was Yu's trusted servant Jarren. Then accompany Lord Yu to a meeting of the System Lords. Talk about stumbling into a nest of vipers.

To his great distress Daniel found a large ornate vessel swimming with mature Goa'uld symbiotes.

Were they other powerful gods brought down by the System Lords and their minions?

Were the symbiotes ripe for implantation whom the System Lords would not allow to become their rivals?

Was this the reward for the present slaves faithful service?

Was this Daniel's fate if he failed to decimate the System Lords?

The night he saw the gods tear into the symbiotes with their bare teeth he had his answer. By this act of cannibalism they sealed their alliance every night during the conference.

Daniel was then faced with a further complication. A new or rather a very old powerful Goa'uld, gone for a thousand years, had raised his head. The other Lords had sent him into exile for an affront even they could not excuse. There this dark lord amassed knowledge and power and underlings. He sent his emissary, the once lovely Sarah Gardner, now the Goa'uld Osiris.

Osiris had spent the last year, after his escape from stasis on Earth, gathering ships and Jaffa. Although not yet very powerful he initially rejected an alliance with Zipacna. When he found out the alliance was with the formidable Anubis he swore allegiance.

With an air of smugness Osiris presented himself to the System Lords as an equal and as the representative of Anubis. He promised to destroy their current annoyance, the Tauri. Presently Zipacna was attacking their radical offshoot and perennial enemy, the Tok'ra on their home base of Revanna. Whether they agreed with his goals or in fear of what he had become, the System Lords welcomed Anubis to their company. All except Lord Yu.

When Daniel learned of this new development he couldn't continue with the Tok'ra plot. He had to get this information out. Osiris recognized him and his life was in jeopardy, as was Lord Yu for opposing Anubis. Daniel took a flying coffin, luckily met up with Jacob in a Tel'tak. And they sped off to Revanna to warn of the attack.

* * *

Meanwhile SG-1, sans Daniel, and SG-17 were on Revanna. SG-17 was there for orientation of Tok'ra techniques. Jack and company were waiting around for word for Daniel and Jacob.

Major Carter came across a stasis chamber containing the symbiote Lantash. Over a year ago Martouf, compromised as a Za'tarc, was killed and his bullet ridden body was returned to Revanna. The Tok'ra deemed it impossible to save both host and symbiote and chose the symbiote. They claimed they tried to restore him but failed to heal his body. They did manage to keep his symbiote Lantash alive in a stasis chamber, struggling to heal itself. Sam had problems with the ethical choices of the Tok'ra and wondered if it were their desire to study Martouf's brain that weighed their decision. And of course if that is what they did they certainly did not share their findings with the SGC.

They were all caught unaware when the armada of Hataks and Al'keshes led by Lord Zipacna launched a full scale invasion. The Stargate was engaged thus preventing the Tok'ra from escaping.

The planet was bombarded and many of the Tok'ra tunnels began to cave in. Caught in the web, Major Carter was injured and all of SG-17 were killed except for the newest member of the team Lt. Elliot, who was severely hurt. Lantash's stasis chamber was broken and he sought a host and found Elliot. Both man and symbiote were weak and near death.

With the help of Tok'ra tunneling crystals, O'Neill and Teal'c were able to find Carter and the dying Elliot and assess the invasion force. They evaded the Jaffa seeking them in the tunnels and finally escaped the underground base. The massive invasion of ground troops was seeking not only the remaining Tok'ra but also the symbiote poison or it's formula.

A Tok'ra signal warning returning operatives to stay away had to be turned off if there was any hope of rescue. Unfortunately Jacob and Daniel crash land their tel'tak. They too are stranded on Revanna with an army of Jaffa hunting them.

Daniel filled them in on his mission and Jack who was pleased that Daniel survived the trip into the heart of darkness said "You did good."

"They're barbaric."

"Yeah...so?" Jack had no illusions about the Goa'uld.

"No, I mean, I don't know if we will ever make a dent. One is always worse than the others and there is no end to them."

"Yeah." Jack replied. He supposed this made the use of the poison easier but it didn't.

They came to the conclusion that only the poison, once meant to take out the System Lords, must now be used to wipe out the invasion party of thousands of Jaffa. O'Neill offered to take the poison to the gate, clearing a way for them to escape.

For Sam either proposition was painful, either way she would lose someone she loved or someone who loved her. And the rest of them would be in their debt and burdened with guilt. Teal'c would see thousands of his brothers dead without the chance to choose freedom.

It was chemical warfare and genocide, and it bothered O'Neill and it didn't. He hated the Goa'uld and would gladly kill all of them himself. But what of the collateal damage - the army of Jaffa held in virtual slavery by the Goa'uld gods? What of any captured Tok'ra? Was it worth it to unleash a weapon you had no control over?

Then the dying Elliot offered. His life could not be sustained by Lantash much longer but he could survive to do the most damage. He knew what he was offering and knew the consequences. His life would be short but meaningful, he was buying their chance at escape with his life.

O'Neill abandoned Elliot to his fate, to his ultimate sacrifice. It was impossible for him to reconcile 'no man left behind' and leaving Elliot, now a chemical weapon, for the Jaffa to find. Would he have done it himself if he were in Elliot's position? Maybe...probably. It ate at his soul. He trained this young man and he left him alone to die.

* * *

"_Do we find the cost of freedom_

_Buried in the ground?_

_Mother Earth will swallow you_

_Lay your body down."_

_Daylight Again by Stephen Stills CSN_


	16. Chapter 16

**517 Fail Safe**

There was frustration all around. There was a ginormous rock on collision course with Earth. The Asgard refused to help using the handy excuse of the Protected Planets Treaty. And they had another ridiculous time limit of 11 days and 16 hours. 11 days and 16 hours to get to the crashed Tel'tak on Revanna, repair it, wrench out of the mud, fly to the asteroid, plant a bomb and make their escape.

Hammond took Jack aside and told him if their plan failed and they couldn't get the Tel'tak off the ground, he, O'Neill, was to take command of the Alpha site. This would be the people of Earth's last hope. There they would build a new civilization and be fruitful and multiply. Well before that they would merely have to survive. He knew there would be limited numbers and limited resources. All this Jack kept in the back of his mind while the engineers and Carter repaired the ship.

* * *

The four of them, they succeeded in their mission and Earth was safe. At least for the moment. The collision with the asteroid had been averted. But, and it was one big but, they were in a Tel'tak that was making a bee line for the sun with no means of altering its trajectory and no possibility of escaping the ship. And they had only 2 more hours left of life support.

"Ya know, I watched that movie. I didn't think it could really happen." O'Neill said as he was stretched out on the floor.

Carter who sat beside him said "It was full of mistakes, totally improbable."

"What, an asteroid hitting Earth?" Jack asked.

"No, that obviously could happen. No, I mean the way they blew it up."

"But it was so cool. Did they have magnets in their boots too?" He asked.

Carter smiled and continued, "And if blowing up the asteroid worked they would have scattered thousands of various sized projectiles onto Earth, almost as bad."

Teal'c chimed in "There were two films about asteroids."

"Tidal waves and Paris destroyed." Jack added.

"Our oceans didn't boil and our atmosphere didn't burn." Sam said.

"Earth is safe." Daniel said, and they were quiet again.

No one mentioned the fact they were all going to die. And Jack thought he was the master of self delusion.

Sam wanted to ask if there was a chance in hell they were going to make it, but well, she knew it wasn't probable. She reached her hand toward the man sprawled on the floor near her. He took her hand in his. There were so many things he wanted to tell her before he died. He wanted to tell her she was important to him, that she was beautiful and she made him happy. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and she knew.


	17. Chapter 17

**The Warrior 518**

O'Neill thought of himself as a good judge of character of men and of Jaffa. He could tell if they were indecisive or lacking in conviction in the authority of the Goa'uld. He was aware of the guys just following orders, some so steeped in their traditions they saw no other path. Occasionally they were like Teal'c, smart, well trained and flexible. And worst yet he was wary of the sadistic or perverse. This Kytano was a class apart and he had Jack's teeth on edge.

Jack was losing Teal'c. Mainly because Teal'c wanted so badly to believe. Teal'c had fought for so long and sacrificed so much. Wanting so badly for someone else to shoulder the burden of leading this fight. O'Neill could understand this but not to give it all up to follow Kytano. Jack got an uneasy feeling with this guy - too slick, too ready to be their messiah. Kytano was like a preacher at a religious revival stirring up the crowd with emotional fervor, although he seemed to back this up with amazing successes. Their training was overly violent and Kytano preached they must be willing and ready to die for the cause. If they fell in battle they would go to Keb. And these Jaffa should be flattered to be his followers. O'Neill saw this as Kytano believing himself above them, like a Goa'uld playing god, and his followers were merely expendable.

No, Teal'c was ten times the man this Kytano was. And he was falling for him, hook, line and sinker. Sometimes you grasp at straws, O'Neill thought. Teal'c perhaps was flattered by this mesmerizing character. Could it be Teal'c was feeling insecure at the possibility of being the political leader of all the Jaffa. Teal'c under Apophis was a battle leader, a general. To start this rebellion he had sacrificed so much. So why would he now dump all his hopes on this charismatic leader?

This Jaffa camp of Ketano's needed supplies and were looking to the Tauri to help them. Yet they turned their noses up at the goods they were given.

O'Neill never forgot he was at war.

No matter how many worlds they explored.

No matter how many races they allied themselves to.

No matter how excited Daniel became over his rocks.

No matter how engrossed Carter became over technology.

The Goa'uld were at war with Earth and he and the teams of the SGC were Earth's first line of defense.

O'Neill occasionally appeared as the genial explorer and occasionally he played the affable idiot. But he was always wary, always was aware he was at war, always the consummate warrior. Jack felt a kinship with Teal'c, a fellow warrior. O'Neill loathed Kytano.

In the tent at night as Daniel drifted toward sleep he thought of the last exchange with Jack. Jack complained "They have no problem with dying, I have a problem with that." And Daniel responded "You have a problem with dying, or you've got a problem with the fact that they don't have a problem with it?" O'Neill responded "Both I think."

When Daniel first met O'Neill, Jack was suicidal, he had no problem with dying. He wanted to save his team but would have sacrificed them too in order to save Earth. That mission made him a different man. Daniel felt as though he had aided or witnessed the evolution of the man. Or was it the restoration of the essential being of the man. Daniel still didn't know if Jack valued himself as much as his friends and his team mates did.

* * *

Kytano sent a suicide squad off to cover their trail and it disgusted O'Neill.

"And I suppose it makes you feel all powerful to know how eager those boys are to die for you." O'Neill said to him.

Jack just lost a soldier, Elliot, who sacrificed his life to save SG-1 and Jacob. Elliot's sacrifice had humbled O'Neill and drowned him in guilt.

* * *

When Teal'c returned, badly beaten, from his supposed mission to Lord Yu, he challenged Kytano. When Bra'tac stayed O'Neill's hand he had a flash of Carter fighting Turgen. There he had a knife to his throat but he did have his finger on the trigger. He did have confidence in Carter then and he did have confidence in Teal'c now. Still his urge to protect was foremost.

Lord Yu attacked the encampment, to crush the rebel movement and perhaps more so to kill the upstart Imhotep, a nobody who would challenge the System Lords.


	18. Chapter 18

**519 Menace**

She was alive. Daniel was beside himself. She could think, she had emotions. She presented as a frightened child, just awakened, confused and looking for her father. She was terrified and she retaliated. She may have been defective – analogous to a misguided youth, a child doing childish things, playing with something incredibly dangerous. She deserved to live. Daniel promised her he would protect her.

"He made you wrong." These words, Daniel's words, kept ringing in Jack's ears. It was a machine. No matter how much it looked like a young woman, it was a machine. A defective, very dangerous machine and he stopped it. Jack followed Hammond's orders to shut the robot down by any means necessary. O'Neill felt absolutely no guilt about neutralizing the robot. It was amazing how quickly Daniel had become invested in it, but that was Daniel. Jack didn't think they lost their only way to stop the replicators. He didn't think Reese would have or could have stopped them. Carter had said they were beginning to act independently.

"You stupid son of a bitch" From Daniel, the mild mannered Daniel, those words stung. But Jack knew he did the right thing. It had to be stopped, stopped before it destroyed the base, stopped before her 'toys' took over the Earth.

* * *

Later that night Sam said "I don't think Daniel knew how close the self-destruct was to detonating."

"Maybe you ought to tell him. You, me, him and his precious robot so close to being blown to hell. He's pretty pissed at me." Jack said as he brought the dishes and leftovers into the kitchen.

"Daniel thought of Reese as a person." Sam replied

"Yeah, one who destroyed how many worlds with her 'toys'. A mass murder." Jack had no use for the thing. He put the dishes in the dishwasher. "We still have the control thingy and the remains of the robot?"

"Yeah but the tech is so way above me. I don't think I could ever figure it out." Sam said as she put the leftovers in the refrigerator.

"What about we give it to the Asgard? They have skin in the game."

"And you'll be glad to be rid of her."

"It, Sam, it, and yes."


	19. Chapter 19

**The Sentinel 520**

At first O'Neill thought that Marul was a simpleton, unable to comprehend what the Goa'uld were capable of doing. Well who could? Burning through your atmosphere to blow up your city was almost incomprehensible. But still...it was happening while they stood there arguing.

Perhaps Marul had been elected because he could be easily manipulated or maybe the people here were just that peaceful and trusting.

It had been centuries if not millennia since they had encountered the Goa'uld. It must have occurred in the past or why had the Sentinel been created? But now the Goa'uld were back. And in fact they were here for the very same reason his people were - seeking weapons, knowledge and technologies. And of course precious metals – naquadah, trinium and rare earths. Their methods might be different but their needs were the same. They needed the raw materials to wage war.

There was one thing the Goa'uld needed that the Tauri did not - slaves.

After the Jaffa had disposed of Marul they subdued both O'Neill and Grogan. They stripped O'Neill of his tac vest, jacket and boots and beat him in front of the young airman. They sought to control the young man by showing him his commanding officer was vulnerable. They then turned on Grogan, slapping him around too, hoping to intimidate Grogan and getting him to tell all. O'Neill said something in Goa'uld to Svarog's Jaffa, a handy and rather foul phrase he picked up from Teal'c. This had the Jaffa turn from the young lieutenant and concentrate their wrath on Jack.

When the location of the Sentinel was ascertained the two soldiers were shackled and frog marched to the strange installation. Grogan reached for O'Neill when he stumbled. The Jaffa wrenched Jack back to his feet by the chain around his neck. O'Neill, jerked upright, cut his eyes to the young man. "Hold fast" was expressed without words. Grogan drew courage from the senior officer. As they were forced to kneel before the alien structure Grogan watched O'Neill being tortured, the pain stick being used over and over again. Grogan held fast.

Then the unbelievable happened. With a knowing look Carter defied him. Then Grieves grasped the Sentinel and with an incredible wave of energy all of the enemy disappeared as did Grieves.

After Daniel unchained O'Neill, Jack sat hard on the ground, he needed just a minute to regroup. Daniel scrambled around, found a canteen and gave it to Jack. The water, stale and warm, was a god sent to his parched throat. He passed a good half of it to Grogan and let the young man know he did good.

Finding his strength O'Neill began issuing orders – a report to Hammond and request for search and rescue teams, as well as medical units. They needed to assess damage to the city and its populace, to coordinate with the official, who remained alive, and to aid civilians. And finally they needed to ensure the alliance so a treaty could be forged.

Daniel encouraged O'Neill to return to Earth for medical assessment but O'Neill brushed him off. There was too much to do and right now the walk back to the Gate looked daunting, especially without his boots.

Carter busied herself with the dead.

Jack was relieved to know that her defying him was not to relieve him from pain but to destroy the enemy. Her feelings for him would never be translated into weakness in the field. He needed to commend her for her insight and initiative.

When Colonel Castleman came to relieve O'Neill, the hour sitting issuing orders and relating information gave him the strength to hike back to the Stargate. He was bone tired yet hoping to evade Dr. Frasier's tender care. He still hadn't found his damned boots.

* * *

The Colonel was finally fitted out with a pair of native shoes and the team followed him as he limped back to the gate.

Daniel was walking beside Sam but mulling over the events of the past few hours – a man giving his life to save an alien planet. And Jack directly ordering them to obey his orders, ignoring the fact that he was being tortured.

Daniel said "I had a sort of flashback...a memory when they dragged Jack in chains."

Carter hadn't been paying attention. "What?"

"I remembered Jack in chains. Do you remember that planet with the princess? It was years ago and I got hooked on the sarcophagus. I've forgotten... or well... repressed so much of that."

"Yeah, I can understand that."

"The soldiers dragged Jack into the palace in chains. He was on his knees begging me to release you. He did it for me too, to save me from the sarcophagus. Why, why does he do that?"

"Daniel, it's who he is." Sam said.

They were silent for the rest of the walk.

* * *

"Daniel is worried about you." Sam said as she dried the last of the supper dishes.

"When is he not?" Jack said brushing it off.

"After all this time, I think he still doesn't understand."

"I think he does, he just doesn't like it. He'd stand up too." Jack had confidence in Daniel. "I was kind of worried about Grogan especially since we lost Elliot a few months ago. They started on him, slapped him around pretty good." Jack said, thinking of the Jaffa on Latona. They shut off the lights and left the kitchen.

"He was looking to you..."

"He'll make a decent soldier. I don't usually agree with Teal'c's "We die well, we die free" - ya know especially the dying part but I thought it kinda looked like we were gonna buy it."

"I disobeyed your direct order." Sam said.

"I trust you...enough of this I need some sleep. You staying?"

She smiled and sarcastically said "Oh Jack, you're such a romantic."

Jack gave her a kiss and walked back toward his bedroom. "Just sleep, I'm exhausted."

"You always say that." She replied with a laugh.

Walking into the bedroom he pulled off his t-shirt. Sam was appalled at all the bruises as well as the burn marks on his torso. "Oh god Jack, shouldn't you be in the infirmary?"

"They were swamped with people who really needed to be there. And I need a good night's sleep."


	20. Chapter 20

**Meridian 521**

It was shortly after Daniel had given up. That was how Jack saw it. He knew it was what Daniel wanted. He knew that it was 'I've got my journey you've got yours, following Oma DeSala'. Jack let it happen, but he couldn't help but see it somewhat differently. Daniel was gone. Daniel was dead.

He had spent hours sitting at the bedside of his friend trying to express what he felt, his admiration and brotherly love for this scientist, soldier, and humanitarian. All he felt he accomplished was to sit there and watch Daniel slowly die.

His grief left almost no room for the seething anger he felt for the people that caused Daniel's fatal injury. They had the nerve to accuse Daniel of sabotaging the weapon, a weapon of mass destruction, thus causing the radiation disaster. The one thing Daniel tried to prevent Jack didn't care if it happened - they could blow themselves to hell.

* * *

Sergeant Siler called the SGC and got in contact with Colonel Reynolds. "I found him, Sir. He's tossing them back in a bar on Colfax."

"Thanks, Siler. We'll be there in 20."

Colonels Reynolds and Dixon arrived in record time, relieved Siler and sat on either side of Jack O'Neill at the bar.

"Sent Siler home?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, he doesn't do covert too well. Never make a good spy." Dixon said with a grin.

"Great mechanic though." Jack said as he tossed Reynolds his keys.

"I thought you had field exercises tomorrow...ah..." Reynolds looked at his watch "today?"

"I'm fine, Al." Jack muttered.

After settling up his tab Jack did manage to walk without help but he did list a bit.

Reynolds drove Jack's truck, and Dixon followed in his car. They dropped Jack home and asked if he wanted any company. He just shook his head no and headed into his dark house.

Jack sat on the couch staring off into the gloom, so many dismal thoughts he could not dispel.

_Why did he ask Jacob to stop? Wasn't there some hope?_

_Was he deluding himself over Oma?_

_Everyone looked to him for guidance at Daniel's bedside. Why didn't he go all out to help his friend?_

_He had left Daniel, all those years ago, to die on Apophis' ship._

_He killed Carter when she was possessed by the Entity._

_He left Teal'c to take cover and Teal'c was tortured and brainwashed by Apophis._

_He lost entire teams - SG-9 and SG-11._

_Even the damn tin cans, the robot SG-1 were all destroyed._

_Death followed in his wake._

* * *

His team was in distress and so was he. So, after a change of schedule, a few days later he took them on a training session shortly before Jonas Quinn was foisted on him – he did see the writing on the wall. He took Quinn along in hopes to wipe the smile off his damned face.

He put them through field exercises - living off the land, with no shelter or food. He sent them alone into simulated fire fights. He drilled them on tactics and techniques until they were too tired and too hungry to wallow in their pain of losing Daniel.

The sole purpose was to reinforce their will, their knowledge and their craftiness to survive. Survive no matter what. Survive torture, survive failing, survive deprivation, survive the loss of everything they held dear, survive the others deaths. He didn't care if they hated him, he preferred it. It might make things easier for them in the long run.

He needed to harden himself. He realized it was all because he was the one in distress, he needed them to survive. He could not survive losing them too.

Looking at SG-1 being put through these grueling exercises Reynolds asked Dixon "What the hell is going on?"

"It's the only way Jack knows how to let them cry.

It's the only way he can."

* * *

_W__e are dying, we are dying, so all we can do_

_is now to be willing to die, and to build the ship_

_of death to carry the soul on the longest journey._

_The Ship of Death by D H Lawrence_


	21. Chapter 21

**522 Revelations**

_He held onto grief so tightly he became stiff and unyielding, and thought unfeeling by others._

Sam Carter was angry at O'Neill for letting Daniel go and furious because he wanted to get on with the job. It was his way of dealing with it. She thought he was ignoring Daniel's passing. To her it also looked as though he were judging her for being emotional and getting too close to a teammate. What she didn't know was O'Neill was a mess. For a woman who was a workaholic why couldn't she see Jack was burying his grief in work.

Sam was also angry with herself for getting too close, for allowing it to hurt. Daniel wasn't military but she was.

* * *

This distress over Daniel's death was how the mission started but by the time the usual clusterfuck was over they went out to dinner together. O'Neill was in a good mood, he was sure Daniel was still with them. Carter was trying but he could tell her heart or her head wasn't in it. She didn't talk much and pushed her food around on her plate. She excused herself claiming a headache and left before dessert.

Jack drove Teal's back to the base and needed to talk to Carter. He needed to see what was wrong. Actually he knew exactly what was wrong and there was nothing he could do about it. So what was the use? Still it was Carter.

Sam leaned her head back into the stream of water, allowing the hot water to cascade across her shoulders and down her back. The warmth and pressure relaxing every muscle. A memory from childhood sprung to mind. _Her mother was upset - they were moving yet again. She was having coffee with another woman, another airforce wife or an aunt, Sam couldn't remember. She did remember the advice. _

"_Cry in the shower. You know men don't know what to do if you cry and they certainly don't want to see it."_

Her friend was dead and they had been so busy there was no time to mourn him. And the colonel just ignored it. Daniel had been his best friend. Sam felt the tears start. She felt better to let out the pent up emotions of loss and frustration.

Sam was barely out of the shower and into nightclothes when the doorbell rang. Pulling on a robe she opened the door to the Colonel.

He looked surprised and awkward.

"It's late. I'm sorry…"

"Come in...coffee, tea, beer?"

"No thanks, I'm good."

He noticed her red eyes and the red bruise-like mark on her forehead she had previously covered up with makeup.

"What happened? Osiris nailed you?"

She started to brush him off with an "I'm fine" but she was tired of the angry coldness, the distance they put between them since Daniel's death.

"Bit of a headache" She said.

Even knowing he'd answer 'I'm fine' she asked "What about you? You and Teal'c, you both nearly died." Her voice cracked, the thought of losing them too was more than she could bear.

He seemed to dismiss their near brush with death. She knew it wasn't fair but couldn't help herself adding "Do you feel anything at all?"

"If they see that chink in your armor they'll use it - the Goa'uld out there, all our enemies and yeah, even our allies and our supposed country men. You always have to be aware, people will use any advantage to get one over on you. Ba'al, he'll carve you up in front of me or the other way round. You have to be prepared for any eventuality. You can't let it show. I can't let it show. It doesn't mean I don't feel anything."

"What about me? Why can't you let me in? I'm not the enemy, Jack."

She didn't want to add to the distress among them, in truth she didn't have the energy. So she let it go.

Sam's tone softened. "Osiris, she was looking for Daniel. She didn't say why and didn't say anything when I told her. She actually didn't believe me at first. She looked stricken for a moment – it must have been Sarah, I think. The Asgard got me out in time."

"She knows."

"Yeah."

They both knew what it was like to be locked in their body and not be able to respond or react as themselves.

Sam was still upset, upset that Daniel was dead, upset that Jack did not seem to be.

"He chose it." Jack said.

"You stopped my father from healing him."

"Jacob said it might not work and if it did, not completely. Would you have prefered him half alive and suffering?" Voices were beginning to rise.

"No, of course not." Sam said.

He toned it down. There was no use in arguing, there was enough pain to go around. "He wanted to go, to ascend, to follow a different path. He wanted to move on, to quench his insatiable curiosity. You'd deny him that? It was his choice and who are we to force him to stay. " He sounded as though he was trying to convince himself.

"No, it's just so damn…" Sam tried to stifle the tears pooling in her eyes. She knew it was selfish to hold on and try to control another life but she missed her friend.

"He's not really dead, Sam," Jack held her as she shook with soundless sobs. "He's just not here. It's what he wanted Sam, It's what he wanted." He held her and tried not to weep himself.

After a few minutes they both got a hold of themselves.

"Would you?" she asked.

"What? Ascend? Me? They wouldn't want me."

They might not want him but she sure did. She couldn't lose him.

He managed to console Sam but failed to be consoled himself. He knew it made no sense but he felt guilty, he felt he failed his friend.

* * *

A blinding pain slashed a jagged path through his head. A dull headache had been lurking all day, he thought it was a hangover from being poisoned by the coolant spill. But the violent throbbing pain behind his right eye shot down through his face to his teeth. He felt a wave of nausea and the need to block out all the light and sound. He almost fell into the kitchen breakfast bar as he bent over, his head in his hands. He didn't realize he had moaned.

"Is it a reaction from the coolant? Do we need to get to the infirmary?" Sam asked.

"No." he choked out, "Janet said it was all out of my system, just a headache." His knuckles were white, press against the counter top. He leaned on his elbows, his hands in his hair, his thumbs rubbing his temples.

Sam had been given an extensive briefing by Janet in case this ever happened on mission.

Leaning against the counter top Jack rubbed the back on his neck, straightened, grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes. "I should go." The room was too bright and his clothes felt scratchy and uncomfortable, his head throbbing and nausea threatening.

"No. Where are your meds?"

He would have argued but knew the headlight of the other drivers would have blinded him, intensifying the pain in his head.

He dug his hand into his pocket and took out a small case. Sam opened it and took out a tablet encased in foil and film. She had difficulty opening it and resorted to scissors. Sam poured him a glass of water and gave him the tablet. Then she went around the house dousing lights and silencing her phone. O'Neill stood there either rubbing the back of his neck or holding his head. He was trying desperately not to hurl, he needed to keep that tablet down so it could work.

Within ten minutes he felt good enough to walk to the couch and sit, too dizzy and nauseous to lie down. A few minutes after that he began to shiver. Sam pulled down the afghan on the couch and wrapped it around his shoulders. He took her cool hand and put it to his temple. His head was hot, his body cold.

Another fifteen minutes later he laid down. Sam untied his boots and he toed them off.

"Do you want to lay down in my bed?" Sam asked.

If he had been feeling anywhere near normal that question would have gotten an interesting comment. He shook his head and regretted it immediately.

"I'll go in a minute." He said.

"No, you will not. Sleep." It was an order, softly spoken but an order nonetheless.

Sam went into her room with O'Neill's truck keys in her hand. She wasn't sure he didn't know, she didn't care. She hadn't thought that Daniel's loss had any effect on him. He internalized the strain and the tension and suffered for it.

As the searing pain and roiling stomach began to abate Jack began to feel drowsy. There was a glimmering light, probably a car going down the street, and a brief touch to his forehead, probably Carter, although he didn't see either. Only after that did he fell relief and a deep sleep found him.

* * *

Sam woke the next morning to the sound of the shower and went to investigate.

The hot water was aimed at the back of his neck and flowing down his back. Quite a sight to behold. And too good an opportunity to waste. He turned, he was aware she was there and saw her reflection in the shiny hardware in her spacious shower. She stripped off, he slid the shower door open and she joined him.

"Feeling better?" She asked him as he moved over to share the warm spray.

He just smiled.

"Endorphins will help your recovery." She advised with a smile.

"Ya know, Janet gonna kill me if I slip and injure my knee."

"We could take this someplace horizontal."

"No, this is good."

"Just good?" Sam asked with a smile.

"We have enough hot water?"

"I put in an eighty gallon tank."

It was a good, a very good morning.


End file.
